Tuesday, 25 April 2017

Human Glitter Garbage

Nabbed from Allie Brosh at Hyperbole And A Half. Go there and laugh. You'll be better for it!

I'm kind of a mess.

Four years ago, around this very same time and date, I would have been writing a blog post. At the time, I was heavily influenced by popular blogs that I followed, which all centered around style, baking, and every day lives that seemed so bright and full. Whenever I would visit those blogs, I saw happy, smiling faces, on people who seemed to be constantly productive, and who were making a living doing the very things I would see on their blogs; creating crafty decor, coming up with mouthwatering snacks, and having fun doing it all! It was so inspirational! In my eyes, these people were perfect. They were successful entrepreneurs, with happy families, lots of friends and collaborators, and they were beautiful, strong women.

It was because of these women and their blogs that I started my own.

I dressed up for pictures, I crafted, I baked, and I did everything I could to make myself comparable to the people I admired most. I even managed to gain a little bit of success of my own through my blog, by becoming an affiliate, and having ad banners on my page. I happily did those things, but not always during happy times. Near the end of the summer season, in 2013, I announced that I would be taking a short break from the blog, but didn't go into detail as to why. That short break turned into two years with no posts, followed by two very short posts, and then almost another two years of nothing.

I really wish that I could act this out with puppets for you, or draw super funny cartoons, but I lack the ability to do either of those things, so I'm just going to really quickly explain what happened, using words.

In July of 2013, my doctor took me off work due to illness. I was unable to reliably function enough to care for myself, let alone go to work. This was a major low point for me. I left Newfoundland in August (of that same year) to go to a hospital in Ontario, where I stayed for two months. While I was there, I met amazing people who became like family to me, and because of them, I came back home with a completely new, shiny, happier outlook on life. I returned home and immediately started making drastic changes. I was different, so I needed the things in my life to reflect that. In retrospect, I now see that I tried to take on the world too fast, without allowing myself to process and adjust for everything I had just learned. By the end of December, I'd crashed, and was incredibly sick again. I still haven't returned to work. Four years later, I'm still a mess. Most days, I feel like a pile of garbage.

Why am I telling you this?

I've decided to try blogging again. Once upon a time, this was a cathartic, fun, and easy way for me to reach out to the world. I felt good about myself when I was blogging, and I felt productive. I'm not the same person I was, and because of that, the blog will be different now too, but I'm hoping that I will rediscover and reawaken parts of myself that have been long in slumber. I used to be a much sillier, more whimsical and creative person; I hope to be that way again! I am, however, still very honest, open, and (most importantly) still amused by fart jokes. I have a lot to share, and, hopefully, a lot of fun to have.

So, yes, I'm a mess, and I often compare myself to a pile of garbage, but you know what? Garbage is just a big pile of stuff that's been tossed to the side. Perhaps it's been deemed unnecessary or unusable to some, but not every little bit is seen the exact same way to everyone. If I'm a pile of garbage, then I'd like to consider the fact that there could be some recyclables in here! Maybe there's some glitter, an old, but still awesome DVD collection, some cool toys, and even the potential for candy that was thrown away (unopened, and still delicious, but just not someone else's favorite)!

Happy day to all!

Hugs and poops,


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