Beauty Isn't Confidence, Confidence Is Beautiful

adjective (prettier, prettiest)

         - (of a person, especially a woman or child) attractive in a delicate way without being truly beautiful: 
           a pretty little girl with an engaging grin

         - (of a thing) pleasing to the eye or the ear: a pretty summer dress

adjective (beautiful)

         - pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically: beautiful poetry a beautiful young woman
           of a very high standard; excellent: she spoke in beautiful English

noun (confidence)

          - the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something: we had every                   confidence in the staff he had gained the young man’s confidence         
         
          - the state of feeling certain about the truth of something: I can say with confidence that I have               never before driven up this street         

          - a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities: she’s                brimming with confidence

                                                                       Whaaaaaaat?

Okay, let me explain. I was flicking through my photo library and couldn't help but notice how the pictures of me started to dissapear. There were a bajillion pictures of me at twenty-three, and none of me at twenty-five or twenty-six. Did I all of a sudden stop taking pictures? Heck no. My camera is permanantly attached to my hand. There are tons of pictures of Boyfriend, my family and the furry-stinks, but very few of yours truly. I quickly whipped out my camera to snap a picture of me cuddling into Oz, but when I looked at the picture, I almost started to cry. Oh yea, I remember why the pictures weren't getting taken. I'm sick, and I look sick.
I've always been fair skinned, but now I'm very pale. My large green eyes don't look bright anymore, they're dimmer, and more shadowed. What the heck? I'm only twenty-six years old.

My twenty-third birthday. Oo la la, so much pretty hair and lip gloss!

New years 2011. Look at that sparkle eyeshadow. Bam! Movie Star!

Me on my twenty-sixth birthday. In Stick-World. Naked, apparently.

SNAP OUT OF IT, FOOL! Guess why I look sick? Because I'm freaking sick! Why am I so adverse to looking at myself? Would I hold anyone else to these standards of looking immaculate for pictures? I never put makeup on anymore and I'm always in my jammies on the couch. None of that screams 'photo op', but why am I putting my life on photographical hold just because I'm not all shiny and new looking?

Am I not pretty anymore? Wait a second... I don't remember ever thinking "Hot damn, Nichole, girl, you are pretty!". Why not? I've never noticed that people look at me on the street and turn to stone, nor have they looked at me and had to vomit profusely at the sight of my face. I have a friends who have even told me that they are jealous of certain features of mine. Beautiful, lovely friends...wait a second, those friends always need reassurance that they look nice too. Who fed us the stupid soup? Why can't we just have fun, take pictures and be happy with ourselves? I ask a lot of questions.

My mom puts her makeup on everyday. When I was a kid, I remember asking her why she would do this. I told her that she was beautiful and that she didn't need it, and her response has stuck with me; she said that she doesn't wear makeup because she thinks she's ugly, but because she likes the way she looks when she wears it. She told me that makeup is something that you put on for fun, not because you are trying to hide your real face. Smart lady, my mom.

I've menioned before that wearing things that flatter you is more important than trying to squeeze into a certain size of clothing that you think is the size you 'should' be. Makeup is much the same. You find colours that suit your skin tone and that make your personal features pop. That being said, you don't need fancy clothing and makeup to make you confident. Beauty is an aesthetic thing that should showcase your confidence. What we SHOULD be doing is looking in the mirror and thinking "You know what? I've got really pretty eyes, if I put on *insert your color here* eyeshadow, it would make that even more noticeable".

Starting today, I'm going to stop ranting out confidence and start putting more effort into having it. I'll be beautiful and wear pretty things because I like them, and I'll wear them when I feel like it. I'm sick. I have insomnia, so my eyes are darker than they'd be if I was sleeping more regularly, but they're not ugly. My skin is really pale because I haven't been able to put a lot of effort into eating well. It's not ugly, just lighter. The next time I get to go to work and someone tells me that I look sick, I won't take it as an insult because, yup, I sure am.

I hope that someone reads this and it makes them see that person in the mirror as a friend, not a foe. I'm not saying that we're all going to be one hundred percent sure of ourselves everyday, but it would surely benefit us to flip the coin on hard days and see what we always manage to look past when that reflective surface catches us off guard.

So here's the thing we've got to engrave into our brains:
Accessories are pretty. We're beautiful when we wear pretty things. We're beautiful because we're confident.

Fashion augments what we've already got. We need to know that what we've got is a lot.

No makeup. No pretty accessories. No Problem. :)

Hugs and poops,

Nichole